Blaming Veronica Mars
by ALongTimeAgo
Summary: Logan's POV as he reflects on his relationship with Veronica through the episodes. LoVe.Spoilers up to 1x12 Clash of the Tritons. Complete.


**Spoiler**: Up to 1x12 "Clash of the Tritons"

**Summary**: Logan's POV as he reflects on his relationship with Veronica through the different episodes.

**A/N**: Thanks to my roomates to have proofread it. I hope I didn't make it too confusing. Like it, hate it and please leave feedback :)

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A long time ago, they used to be friends…or something… Logan could pinpoint the exact second when his relationship with Veronica had changed for the worst. It was the day she had decided to stick by her conspiracy obsessed dad. It didn't happen progressively or without him noticing either, it was a very liberate choice to get rid of the pain of losing Lilly, to find an outlet for his guilt and his hurt. One day, he had decided that he could blame Veronica Mars. 

When Logan sees Veronica walking through the parking lot, his now practiced reflex of turning pain into anger kicks in without him realising it. He teases her, talks about her mom and put his fingers in the fresh wounds. She doesn't even flinch and it angers him more, making him twice as vicious. He wants to hurt her as much as he is hurting. When Duncan finally stops him, he doesn't know if he should be grateful. Part of him wants to see her strike back, show some of the life she used to have. Part of him wants to see her cry so that he would know that he is not the only one hurting.

Logan feels lost and lonely. His new ex-girlfriend was cheating on him and it's a blow from the past that he could have lived without. Not that he cares about that Barbie wannabe, he was not that fond of her to begin with, but it leaves him wondering if that's how it is always going to be for him. He likes girl. Girl likes him. Girl betrays him and sleep with half the school. As if this wasn't enough, Duncan is weirder than ever. He alternates between hot and cold faster than anyone should. Though Logan guesses that he should be grateful that Duncan is showing any kind of emotion at all as it has not been the case since… He pushes the thought away.

When the news of a memorial being put up for Lilly reaches Logan, he finds himself longing for the days when she was still alive and everything was easier. He tells himself that it's why he doesn't push Veronica away with as much venom as he usually would when she interrupts him as he is editing the video. As he watches the four of them together, so full of life on the screen, all he wants to do is try and grasp some of the happiness that they used to radiate. He sees Veronica at the memorial and he can't help but smile at her, a silent tribute to what they lost, an unspoken truce until the sun comes up again.

The trip to Tijuana was a blast…up until they were left sans-car on a cheap restaurant's parking lot, calling Veronica Mars for help. But when she gets there, even her sarcasm can't make him pull off a biting enough reply. Maybe he is losing his hand. And when later she drops Luke and him off at his car, their banter is so close to friendly that it's almost unsettling. For some reason, he spends the rest of the day with a smile on his face.

She comes to question him about Tijuana and he is pretty sure that he knows where it is going. He is surprised at the fact that, once again, he is not as hurtful as he could be. It's like something is stopping him and all he can feel is frustrated. Troy comes up to Veronica. Logan doesn't understand why he felt the urge to pass in between them.

Logan knows that he is a jackass and, truth be told, he kind of enjoys it. It's as if life was a stage and he was just playing his part. But Logan is not a coward and when Weevil takes the fall for their prank, even though he doesn't really like the guy, he doesn't only confess to the crime to grab some more attention. Granted, the knowledge that you will get off easy helps you feel a lot braver. Or maybe his father's lesson about helping the underprivileged finally kicks in, pun intended. But the tattoo he was not prepared for, and it's like he has been punched in the guts. For a moment, he cannot breathe anymore and he feels his hands shaking. Weevil comes up with a good enough lie but Logan knew Lilly. Tonight, he is going to go back home and cry. Logan just realised that Lilly is gone, was gone for him long before she died, and he is almost grateful.

Veronica is a pain in his ass. But he doesn't wonder why he calls her back when he had successfully made her turn around and go. He dislikes Connor and sending her after him is a good enough reason. He doesn't really think before giving her an apologetic smile after taking a shot at her when he was on the phone. That alone should have worried him. What finally gets him is the one-second-too-long look he gives her as she exits the pool house, leaving him alone and frustrated again. Veronica is a pain in his ass.

When Veronica comes up to their table he has a hard time not to smile at her and finally decides to enjoy the feeling of seeing her rather than fight it. He sits back and plays his part in their all-new playful banter. When she sits down next to him, he moves away a bit too fast and takes a look at Duncan, afraid that his best friend may have seen and understood that… Well, he doesn't really know what, but he doesn't want Duncan to know either. How did she just make him agree to another poker night from hell?

Veronica arrives just as he was beginning to think that she had stood them up. He can't help the sarcasm and feels like a six-year-old pulling the pony tail of the little girl he has a crush on.

The girl can shuffle. Logan knows that he should not be surprised but he can't help it and this time, the smile makes it all the way. He thinks that he really likes Veronica when she's not being a bitch.

He had not realized till now but maybe it's just that he had not thought about it. As he is sitting in the school counsellor's office, it seems so obvious. Somewhere along the way, he stopped blaming Veronica Mars.

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End file.
